RPG Regrets

@quintus_knightfall: oh nah no strays at all I don't have any animosity towards anyone. Not even you I just had a bad week and blasted off due to being triggered. I dont like your views but that doesn't necessarily mean I hate you. I'm just trying to read the room and figure out who has issues with me. I told you I had mental health issues. So my paranoia kicks in when I hear some group of people secretly had a discussion to not work with me because that means i had some type of affect on them that led to not wanting to associate with me. For what reason I do not know and that's the worst part. If I was being a dick and remembered it I'd be like ok bet. I'm the asshole here and this was earned. But this I don't get. I invested a lot of time on relationships and writing here and come to find the core group I used to associate with may now be shunning me for reasons I don't understand. But then again I went undiagnosed for about ten years so maybe I was going through it and did something offensive or said something rude? I really dont know. What can I say, I valued the people here I worked with for years and it hurts to be turned on by them. I value the new relationships in the current RPG equally and hope to maintain that rapport.

But there were those few people I was solid with who now act like they don't know me and like I've gamed with these people and had long conversations and watched movies with them. These were legit friends to me.

I've been through some wild shit these past few years and through a lot of it the only consistency was the fact I could come to this site and people know me, and enjoy writing with me. I dont care if it sounds soft, my feelings are hurt. Thats why.

I regret moving against Mighty Mags and the VV so early in my rpg career. Should have developed that whole situation more but I knew next to nothing about storytelling, writing, or rpging. Winged it for years.

I regret never having my character Paragon go after the abducted citizens Nordok gained from Ethusalia, CA.

I miss some of the friends i made here.

@izaiah: Hi friend

biggest regret. Two words: @jai_walker

how have you been Iz?

@maximus_newcastle: Not well, but it's the same old. I endure.

@outcast__ said:

Do i know you? 🤔

@izaiah: sorry to hear that. Hope you pop back in sometime soon and hang out. It's pretty casual in writing confessions. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk.

Well since I’ve been so nicely called out, and you don’t seem to remember anything, let me write it out for you. But first let me say, what I'm writing is for me and only me. I'm not writing/speaking for anyone else.

You were/are a jerk, and that’s putting it nicely because what I want to say, I can't. You were a horrible friend. I stood by your side through a majority of the discord kids rampage and I supported you. I even did that stupid no contact order even though you’re a grown man and should have just not taken bait made by kids to obviously get your attention, which you KNEW they were but you would take the bait anyways, and left me to clean up your mess every time. I listened to you rant and complain every single day multiple times a day about those discord kids. Even when I was in the damn hospital getting a major surgery done (which you knew about because I asked you to be good so I could just focus on my health) you still came to me, complaining and crying and even though I didn’t have a computer and was in a lot of pain and just trying to get better, I listened and tried to help. I could have been literally dying and you still would have asked things of me. But it's partly my fault, because I kept making excuses for you. “Surkit is just going through a lot with the kids” is what I would say. I freaken defended you time and time again. And every time you got upset with me for stupid reasons, I apologized and then several days later you wouldn't apologize, but say “Oh I was just having a bad day/week/month” and I was just supposed to get over it and be cool. Then the day came where I would "push you over the edge". You made an OBVIOUS bait thread. First you asked what everyone thought about CVnU and CVU (right after CVU was made) in Writing Confessions. Then after no one answered you on WC several hours later, you made a whole thread asking the same question and I confronted you about it (because I’m a mod and it’s what I do) you got so offended that you deactivated one of your cv accounts AND left our discord chat, complaining that I “triggered” you and blocked me (and others). Then I have to spend the next few days thinking I’m the worst person ever for just doing what I’m supposed to do as a mod! But then one day, you just… thrust that blade in my back and started talking crap about me to the discord kids. After they tried to dox me, after they threatened me, after they bullied me, after all the crap I had to go through with them, which you knew and was partly responsible for due to your own actions. When I called you out on it, you just tried to twist it back to me, trying to justify why you did what you did. Play the victim as always and never want to take responsibility because you were “triggered” or you were "having a bad day/week/month". So yeah, I cut you off completely. Just like you did me. And you knew what you did, because you sent that “apology” DM to me and others a few months later. Oh, but now you think you did nothing wrong? Like you didn’t make my life a living hell all that time? And because you did that to me I ended up spilling my anger and frustrations to my real friends. I’m sure they were so irritated with me and are still irritated with me because here I am digging up sh!t from over six years ago because you conveniently can’t remember what you did wrong and are playing the victim card once again. So yeah, I'm going to be ignoring you if you try to casually try to talk to me. So unless you need actual Mod help (which I will not ignore), please leave me alone.

And since I’m sure you forgot about the apology you sent us, here’s a screenshot just for you.

WOW 💀☠️

I regret not taking my time with certain concepts. I also regret sort of isolating myself from a large portion of significant events because I didn’t want to work with one person.

@feral_nova: I know you asked me not to but I gotta respond to that if only to say I truly regret that I did that to you. I mean words don't begin to cover a sufficient apology so I hope this explainer helps.

I was only recently diagnosed with bipolar type schizoaffective disorder. But prior to that i was having full on psychotic breaks at that time and for a few years after. Doctor said it probably kicked in in my mid to early 20s and that the change may have been more evident to the people around me then to myself. The worst place I could've been was on the internet but I had nothing and nobody else at the time so I couldn't help myself. I take full responsibility for the things you say I did. I really wish I remembered this stuff. in my warped reality of that time we were all tight, I had only minor problems with those kids, and I left because I wanted to pursue writing professionally. I'm not saying your wrong i wouldnt do that, but my mind was incredibly warped during that time and years after until about late 22 when I finally got hospitalized. End of the day though it all was me of course, like I made the decisions to do really inconsiderate shit apparently despite what should have been common sense and better judgement, and just generally empathetic and I would treat me the same way in your shoes. I just want to say I am now medicated and balanced out. I am not that...monster, i guess, any more. I hope this sheds some light on what was going on. That was the absolute worst version of me and my biggest RPG regret hands down is what I put you through. I'm not seeking forgiveness I just wanted to publicly provide an apology since I pulled your name out so publicly.

we probably do. what other alts did you go by?

me: Scarlet, Outcast, Gordon Knott, Ozzy Manuel Diaz, Remy, Fables, BoschePG

Not taking more risks with my characters. I think I kept them confined to very limited archetypes.

NO RAGRETS 🤘…kidding.

I wish i was more active after in the post-empires era. Wrote with more people while they were active/here. I think i left when the new writers like LL debuted and i caught the cuff end, joined one team during the Celebrity era and one day just didnt ever log back on. I butt heads with them OOC, but they were a good character writer. Very distinct style.

You know, I was going to be the bigger person and just let this sit, but being the bigger person is some exhausting shit. I had a different response to this drafted prior to your recent back and forth with Nova, so please understand that what I’m about to say is the nicer, more pared down version.

You can’t come up with any reasons why I might not like you all by myself? I’m still just always an extension of G to you? Please put your thinking cap on. You and I have a personal history and it’s a bad one. Nothing huge in the past ten years simply because I don’t move in the same spaces as you anymore, but that was a concerted decision. We had a bad falling out OOC and you spent years taking subliminal shots at me in threads, often insinuating that I was a whore, and which I ignored in the interest of rising above and being the better person. I saw it, other people saw it. It was gross. It goes to show the LACK of cabal that people still worked with you through that, because please understand that I had the pull to have it be otherwise, should I have wanted.

We eventually arrived at a more neutral ground, but that was because I never called out any of the coded comments about me, and because we had a lot of mutual writing partners. It was simply through the passage of time, never through any apology or acknowledgment. Even then, it was pretty much nothing more than very casual back and forths in OOC threads. And that was because I was protecting my peace and trying to let shit go.

All of that history and I’m still just a goddamned extension of Gambler lmao. It’s ironic that you’ve trying to ding him for sexism, and in the same post treating me as incapable of having my own relationships and thoughts divorced from his. Glass houses. And you are still trying to absolve yourself of responsibility, a pattern that has always lurked in your behavior. You mentioned me as being tied to G by extension, he responded saying I was catching strays, and you responded saying I’m not? Either I’m catching strays by you lumping me in with him while the two of you are fighting, or you’re making the conscious decision to treat me as nothing more than an extension of him. They both suck.

Also, while I have/had my own issues with you, I’ll never forget and I’ll never forgive what you and that group did to Nova during the Discord division. The way she struggled behind the scenes in the lead-up to it to bend over backwards for you so you wouldn't make her life hell. She went so far out of her way to give you guys the appearance of fairness that she overcorrected and was far too lenient with you. And you stuck with them because you were hungry for power and clout and that's where you thought it was. And the second the tides changed you jumped ship and tried to beg your way back into her good graces. But you'll never be back in mine.

I’ll finish this off by saying that I understand you were going through some shit. You’re not the only one who has had mental health issues. But even now, when you’re balanced out, I’m still just nothing more than an extension of Gambler. It’s a way for you to absolve yourself of responsibility - I can’t possibly be mad at you for anything you’ve ever done, must simply be because of my association to Gambler?

Anyways I am 0% interested in a dialogue or even in an apology. This was for me to get my own closure, and hopefully you can resolve the question of the spooky shadowy cabal. There is no such thing - simply a group of people who no longer f with you due to the bridges you lit on fire.

Not writing enough. I wasn't confident about the things I was putting out and would often stop writing for months. Then come back and do the same thing over and over.

I regret not having the opportunity to write with Sara more

@adam_grimm said:

Ozzy/Scarlet rings a bell, though i don't think we've spoken much 😅 I suspect i had faded out from the RPG scene by the time you'd faded in.

Izaiah's been my main account since 2011 i believe. I might also have been around as the alts Orizon and ~Thorn~ and Vandraren, though i didn't do much RPGing with those either. Before Izaiah, i was ~The Wanderer~.

I also occasionally made Comic Vine Cards.

I regret I never finished my game with Superstay.

The Western Trail of Gold & Lead [Closed Rpg]

That game went on for over two years with so many twist and turns. It was one of the two greatest stories I ever wrote on this site!

• I wish I had written Thee Champion much differently from the onset. I should have gone with the Miracle Man route from the beginning, instead of doing so as a retcon of LL's New God concept, which I should have never touched. Moreover, I wish I hadn't gone with the approach of a god cosplaying as human or otherwise downplaying his divinity.
• Alternatively, I wish I had introduced Samson much earlier. I never got to explore that idea on CV much before the no-posting bug.
• I should have written with Mercury much earlier. I've always admired his flair and style. The same goes for Grifter. While I get to write more with both now, it would've been fun to do so when we all had more free time.
• I should have gone ahead with the Saint of Killers/Undertaker supernatural avenger-esque character that LL and I spoke about. But I might have butchered it at the time, as I was in a different place creatively, and just from a technical writing perspective.
• There was an idea I had for a Fatal Four team of ultra-deadly martial artists driven to challenge CV's greatest forces as a test of their otherworldly skill. I had Tenjin, Gambler, Zauby, and myself in mind as members, but I never proposed the idea. I should have.

@platinumwarrior, @eganthevile1, @tenjin, @cly, @void_heart, @garison

The homies :(

I regret constantly changing not only av looks, but character looks as well. Sometimes it had rhythm and flowed. Other times I looked like Disney out here race and gender bending established characters 🤡

I regret nothing.

@final_arrow: lies. You remember dred? I regret them

The Branch. And the Green Dress

@raysh_al_shaytan: YOU TAKE THAT BACK, the branch is a masterpiece.

@final_arrow:

It's like that movie the Room. It's so bad it's ironically good lol

Regrets? doing anything ever with the wolf dbags

@raysh_al_shaytan: you mf!!! You looked fabulous in that dress and the branch was a level we will never see again

@darkchild:

What thread/rpg did the Branch happen in? I can't remember

Oh God....world war 3? I think?

@raysh_al_shaytan: I remember methos making a whole thread to mock it

I regret logging out of my Ghostshell account.

not expanding Cass's combat arsenal with more h2h stuff.

Not using Logan as the template for Charlemagne from the jump. As well as keeping the character more streamlined and focused. He was a great character but if I had played it right I could have made him iconic.

Not sticking to one character is my biggest regret. I still can't.

I regret not keeping up with cqc type fighting styles for my characters.

I regret never following through. A lot of amazing story arcs that I was involved in fell through because of my lack of consistency and a lot of great ideas never fully realized as well. So much so that I became infamous for my here today, gone tomorrow style. But I can say, my time here was integral to my development in life and it was some of the best fun I've ever had, so thanks!

losing motivation at the height of my creativity. lost my mojo and got overwhelmed when i was actually creating stuff that demanded replies lol

Not putting myself first more often. There were legitimately only like 1-3 times I actually set out and did that (with Shiho, and Avalon, and then kinda-sorta with Valentina); partly because I was trying to be helpful to other people, partly because folks would often ragequit RPs when they got outplayed. But (although this isn't news to me, and I have a soapbox about certain elements) seeing how some others just did it, sometimes I can't help but imagine the stories that could've played out.

• I regret I did not join the world of RPG three years earlier. Because that was when this site was booming. It was the era of the Knightfalls and the Liafadors and anyone who was anyone was playing. Even today people still talk about that era, and the Knightfalls and Liafadors are still considered the best!

• I also regret that after all the games I have played, and there have been some great ones, nothing I have ever written was a game changer. By that I mean nothing I have written had a lasting effect on the world I was in. And even if I did join a game that would have lasting effects, the game would either die down in the middle of it, or the effects were never mentioned again!