So Scary 8- Death Wish
It’s that time of year. Everybody is out for shopping, buying gifts and handing them out to poor b@$t@rd$. I, on the other hand never wanted a gift in my life. Why? As a kid, I’ve always wanted something special. But Santa didn’t bother to read it on his good, f**king list. Not even one bit. I’ve been a good boy. I’ve been helping out my parents, did the cleaning chores and such and such. Heck, I even did my homework without my parents telling me. You know how kids never listen to their parents? They just sit right here, staring at the TV screen, playing video games all day and all night long. Yeah, they did that pretty much. It’s funny that I’m sitting here in my apartment building, staring at the wonderful gifts lying around the Christmas tree in someone else’s room. All those gifts... Bah! Humbug! Who needs them?
I had a hunch that Santa would come to several apartments in New York City. I’ve been living a low-life after I’ve returned from the war in Afghanistan. It was brutal if you ask me. I went to great lengths in training, and you bet it was that harsh. The training ground provided me the necessary skills to defeat the one thing and only... Santa. People wouldn’t say he’s a thing or whatnot. I would say he’s the Father of F**king Christmas. My buddies have talked about how their kids received their precious gifts. I didn’t care at that time. I only listened to them. I did fake laughs. HA! HA! HA! Of course, Santa wouldn’t laugh like that. You know what I mean.
Anyways, here I am sitting on the bed, looking out the window, and still waiting for Santa to arrive. How do I know that he will arrive? Well, to tell you the truth, I’ve been searching for him ever since I’ve returned to my home country. I’ve asked my fellow scientist to travel to another dimension, the North Pole. There were others, who hated Santa too. They were called the "Santa Suicide Squad." They had their own reasons to kill him.
I’ve joined them and tried to kill Santa. Somehow, Santa’s Elf guards managed to beat us to death. I survived and returned to Earth with a broken arm. I’ve always tried going back. But it wasn’t the time of Christmas. You see, there’s a catch here. You can only hunt Santa down within twelve days of Christmas. Once you kill him, then it’s over. Santa is gone for good. But that doesn’t mean Christmas is over though. Many people were led to believe that Santa isn’t real. But hey, I do believe in Santa. That’s because I know he exists in the North Pole. With the scientist’s proof of alternate dimensions, it makes sense where Santa really comes from.
I don’t know if Santa knows that I’m still alive and coming for him. But then again, I’ve prepared all my life for this very moment. I will not fail this time. I’ll do whatever it takes to kick Santa’s @$$, even if he sends the elves here to kill me on sight.
Speaking of the elves, here they come. They knew where I was. I had my gun ready. They had their weapons lock and loaded too. It seems that their weapons looked like toys. But they weren't toys for sure. I never asked myself how Santa knew I was here, because Santa is like God. But he isn’t God, I can prove that.
The elves barged in through the door. They shot several rounds across the living room. Flying bullets came through the door in my bedroom. I ducked behind a chair, thinking of a plan. There must be a dozen of elves out there to get me, one man and only. I’ll show them what I’m made of. Jerry Christ will not go down on Christmas Day. I’m not kidding. Christ is my last name.
I opened the door quickly in my room, threw a smoke grenade, and then went back to my cover. I saw the elves were blinded by the smoke screen. Now, it’s my chance to shine.
“HO! HO! HO! Merry Christmas, motherf**kers!” I shot all of them. Some of the bullets came through the smoke screen. I got hit on the leg and then the arm. It wasn’t a nice plan, but it was necessary. I needed to catch Santa before he goes back to his homeland.
Once the elves were dead, I quickly went out the building. One cop noticed what was going on. He said, “Hey! You there!” I shot his leg and said, “No time, mister. I have Santa to catch.”
There were other elves waiting for me. They hid behind a snow-covered car. I knew this was going to happen. Of course, Santa will send his stupid elves just to fire one, strong man like me. But I can’t allow the waiting time to prevent me from killing the fat b@$t@rd. I have to wait another year to catch him, another twelve days. That’s heck of a wait and no Santa hater would want that.
I can see Santa coming out of a chimney from the other side of the building. Usually, Santa comes alone at night and does his dirty work. But this time, it’s different because Santa had naughty boys on his wish list. He was aware of what was going to happen to him, which is why he had backup, just in case.
The elves were shooting on sight. The injured cop tried calling me back and screamed in pain. I didn’t listen to him. I jumped behind another snow-covered car. I looked at both sides, trying to shoot the elves. It was kind of hard to notice people around at this kind of weather. It was chilling that I forgot to put my jacket on.
No time to wait. Santa will be leaving at this very moment. I looked at my watch and the time says “11:45 pm.” At mid-night, he will go back to North Pole. If that happens, Christmas will be over this year.
I took out a grenade and flung it over to the other snow-covered car. It blasted in seconds. The elves were dead. I continued running...
When I reached the staircase, I banged the door, hearing the sounds of the reindeer galloping the rooftops. I held my gun steady, looking out for Santa. The big man saw me, whipping his reindeer at full speed ahead. I shot Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. It screamed, which sounded something like a horse. Anyways, I ran behind the cart, held Santa on his neck. He managed to hit me on the back. I almost fell off the cart. At that moment, I found myself above the sky along with the fat b@$t@rd.
“You’ve been a very, very naughty man, Jerry.” Santa said. He punched me on the face, twelve times! My gun fell off. I tried to keep my vision clear in this cold weather. Then I remembered that I had a kitchen knife.
My Dad gave me a gift at the time after Mom died of bre@$t cancer. Everything had fallen apart since then. He worked so hard to support me in every way. He even couldn’t afford the precious gift, which I’ve wanted like any other kid out there. But I’ve always wanted something from Santa and thought he'll give it to me. That was my mother to be well again.
Instead, I had been given this kitchen knife. Then I realized what to do with it. To kill Santa was my destiny, to kill him for not saving my mother.
I took the knife out of my pocket, switched to its blade position and stabbed in his eye! Santa screamed louder with pain that anyone couldn’t hear his loud, grumpy voice. I’ve told him why I’m doing this. I took out the knife away from his eye and stabbed on his tummy, twelve times! Pools of blood came out. Santa almost fell down, and that I held him on the sleeve.
“I’m... not Jesus,” Santa said. “I... only give... gifts.”
I didn’t say anything. Of course, I know that Santa wasn’t God or Jesus Christ. But asking something for a gift doesn’t mean it’s an item. It’s something precious that’s important to you, someone you cared about.
“I know,” I said to him. “I know.” I let him fall into the cold abyss of New York City. I held the whips tightly, so that I could ride along the way back home. There, I saw a bunch of cops surrounding the apartment. It was too late to pack things up before I left New York City. Luckily, I have backup, just to cover me. Not to mention, I have my own personal doctor. I needed to see her to treat my injuries.
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The next day, I’ve told the scientist about what happened to Santa. He was stunned at first, but actually believed me. Without him, I wouldn’t know where Santa will head off next.
The scientist have decided not to use the portal in order to access the North Pole, since Santa Claus was dead. But I've told him, we needed it for future use. Who knows if the war against Santa was over.
I’ve checked the local news. There were reports of the death of Santa Claus everywhere, even in all channels. It was a horrifying moment for all families and kids to find out that the Father of Christmas is dead!
With the use of Santa's reindeer, I had to fly away and hide from the authorities, since I shot that cop outside my apartment. That’s the least of my problems. But the worst problem is that Miss Santa will find out what I did to her poor husband. Yeah... revenge is never sweet.
Next story- Vision of Hell.
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